Yep, I said it. It sucks. And I can say that because I’m in the midst of that.
I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Secondary infertility.
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association just hosted National Infertility Week last week and this year’s theme, “I Am Not Alone” really struck a chord with me. I was inspired to make this the time that I let all of you know that you truly are not alone. Because I’m right there with you.
The thing with “social media” these days is that we put up these armors. We add “fluff” to our pictures, and omit truths from our stories in order to make it seem like we’ve got it all together.
Well, guess what girlfriend? I’m no where close to having it all together.
You see, my husband and I have been struggling with unexplained infertility {secondary} for almost 5 long years. It’ll be 5 years in May, but really, who’s counting. And yes, I’ve learned a TON of beautiful things in these past 5 years and yes, my faith has blossomed more beautifully than a rose garden, but that’s a post for another day. Today, I want to just get it off my chest and out of my soul that infertility freaking sucks.
As a woman, infertility makes me feel:
incapable
inadequate
incomplete
insensitive
inconsolable
Yep, all those things + tons more.
I hate how infertility has robbed me of the joy of spontaneously getting pregnant and being surprised;
and how it makes me feel sad every time someone announces their pregnancy, not because I’m not happy for them, but because I’m sad for us;
and how heartbreaking it is to grieve continuously month after month;
and how I cringe when a friend says, “relax” or “God has bigger plans for you” or “All my husband has to do is look at me.” {those things don’t help, so please don’t say them}
I know how bad it hurts to know that infertility doesn’t care how old you are, how many children you may already have, or how much you exercise.
If you’re like me and you struggle with secondary infertility, I know how guilty you can feel by your desires for another baby, while many women just hope for one.
I know how you’ve tried every technique, old wives tale, and recommendation. Cranberry juice, stand on your head, don’t eat this, eat more of that, use this cream, swallow this vitamin, sprinkle this on your food, try more yoga, use this essential oil on this pressure point, UGH! It makes your head spin, doesn’t it?
I know what it’s like to spend week after week in a doctor’s office, getting your follicles measured, your lining investigated, your blood work drawn.
I know how badly it hurts when you give your all to IUI’s or IVF, doing all the right things, and hoping that this.is.it, but…it fails. For me, that’s been 8 times, my friend. It’s like ripping a bandaid off an old wound time and time again.
I know how it feels to put on a happy face while inside you’re screaming, crying, and wondering.
I know the struggle-
I know the heartache-
I know the roller coaster-
I know the guilt-
Infertility sucks.
BUT, the good news is that there is hope for all of us. Infertility doesn’t have to define who we are, it doesn’t have to be our label.
We are all called to be Brave. So let’s be brave together, whether it’s on this walk with each other, while injecting our tummies with the next syringe filled with medicine, sharing our stories, or just crying together. Let’s be brave. We are women and we are called to bravery. What that looks like for me may differ from what that looks like for you, and I’ll be sharing more of that story soon, but for now just know,
You are SO not alone!
xoxo,
E
We don’t have to walk alone in this infertility walk anymore! Comment below with your story if you’re comfortable. I’d love to walk with you!
Erica Leggiero, M.S. Ed.
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I am right there with you. I have PCOS and it makes it very difficult to get pregnant. We were so lucky to get pregnant with my daughter so quickly. Unfortunately, having more children hasn’t happened. I miscarried in Nov of 2013 at 7 weeks. Since then, nothing but negative pregnancy tests. I turn 40 in July. I fear I’m running out of time yo have more children. My almost 5 year old wants to have a brother or sister. She is the only grandchild on my side of the family. I know thete is one more little one out there for us. You are not alone!
Diana, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, and I understand your fear. Praying a baby comes for you soon!
I know that took courage for you, bless you!
Thank you so much Mary Lou! I appreciate your love 🙂
Yes, it makes it so hard when your friends and relatives are getting pregnant. You feel happy for them, but sad that you’re having problems. We tried for 5 yrs and had multiple miscarriages. Went to a great doctor in a nationally know hospital and finally was able to have my daughter, I was 36. Along with the feelings you have, there are people who think you’re being selfish because you’re not having children. I didn’t feel I should have to explain our problems and never told anyone until I was more than 3 months along, just in case. It’s a hard road. Sending prayers for you and to all who suffer with this.
❤️
We suffered for years with infertility 30 years ago when even less was known about it. We now have three children in their twenties. We tell them they were VERY expensive and VERY planned! I recognize every emotion you listed. Been there done that. Prayers go out for you and your husband.
Sue C
I have several friends who have struggled with infertility and my heart breaks for them {and you}. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
{big hugs}
~ Ashley
You are strong and brave . It is a gift that you give to other women struggling with this issue to share your story so openly.
You are not alone! 1 in 8 women is impacted by infertility. I’m also 1 in 8, but that’s not the end of your story (nor mine). It took 9 years before I was able to successfully carry my son (& 2 years later daugther) full term. Before then surgeries, procedures, miscarriages, and even a neonatal death was my experience. I recently wrote about my experience. If it helps, I’ll leave a link here:
http://debtfreedivas.org/index.php/39-aboutus/aboutus/367-ease-the-pain-of-infertility-on-your-heart-and-wallet
What you’re doing is wonderful & needed.
We suffered from secondary infertility for 11 1/2 years. It is horrible and hard.
We went on to adopt 2 amazing daughters from foster care and a few years after that we had a miracle pregnancy and miracle baby. (And no, it’s not because we adopted that we finally got pregnant. No, I didn’t relax either). I just tell you this to give you hope – it can still happen!
I think your post on your infertility was very open and I have four children, but their have been several disappointments and sad moments in between those children.
My theory is to always look for the bright side. Several people I know have gotten pregnant either right after they adopted or when they quit trying. By no means do I mean to give up but they changed their focus. All of them have more than one child right now. That doesn’t happen for everyone. There are several people that I have met who are over 42 and have had children. So it can happen. Just keep going and don’t give up. Right now I am 42 and would still like as many as God will let me have.